The people we love are often gone too soon and seldom are we ready when the time comes to say goodbye. What we do not often think about is that grief can arise after these and many more circumstances:
- The loss of a family member, friend, or pet
- For adults, being terminated from a job
- For children and teens, moving cities or schools
- Having family members move away
- For mature adults, entrance into a senior center or nursing home
- And for couples, losing a child or receiving news of infertility
These and countless other life situations can lead to the process of grieving.
How Am I Supposed to Grieve?
Grieving will look different for everyone, so just because someone is not crying or visibly upset does not mean they are not grieving. Chances are you have heard of the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, these stages are more of a guide and outline of what you or a loved one may actually experience, and not everyone who is in each stage will have the same reactions or emotions.
While knowing how and at what stage in the grieving process you or a loved one are in, there is something that is far more important for you and a loved one to be prepared for, and that is to give grace and be patient with yourself. You have just experienced one of if the not the most difficult situation of your life. People often say, “you just have to move on,” “they would want you to move on,” or “it’s been weeks and months, you should be fine by now.” These are rarely helpful and can lead to us pushing down or trying to ignore our feelings, which only leads to them coming back stronger and more intense later.
At Shiloh, we know that sometimes grief calls for uninterrupted time to cry, yell, and mourn without the expectation of “feeling better” or “getting over it.” Grief cannot tell time, nor does it keep track of when something happened, all it knows it how you feel. When you come to Shiloh, we will be there no matter where you are emotional, spiritually, or relationally.
It Happened So Long Ago, Why Do I Still Feel This Way?
Grief is something that does not disappear, and while it may sound like a solution to just stop feeling pain, sadness, or anger, our body and brain will always remind us of and let us know that we should be feeling something. No matter what circumstance or the reason you are grieving, there will always be a reminder of the person, ability, or thing you no longer have.
But it was just a job?
Maybe, but how did that job support you and your family? How hard had you worked to obtain your position? Perhaps your children or partner have to sacrifice things they enjoy due to the job loss. A job is much more than a paycheck, and sometimes we do not realize how impactful or meaningful a job was until we are without it.
I Lost a Pet, not a Person.
Pets are much more than animals, they are family members. For adults and children alike, pets provide connection and love when we feel like a person is not there. You formed an emotional connection to your pet and loved and cared for it, often times for years. It is not uncommon, and it is likely more common than you think, but grieving the loss of a pet is often someone’s first experience with loss, which makes it even harder to know how to respond. And more than that, something that was always there for you is now gone, and coming to that realization should not be done alone.
Grief is complicated and will look different for every person, and we will often no know which stage we are in. Through grief therapy, you can begin to heal in such a way that the memories of your loss have meaning and purpose. If you have experienced any type of loss or belief you may be in the grieving process, or perhaps you have waited a long time to start, our therapists at Shiloh are here to listen and support you no matter where you are.